CaseyLand: Look at me! I'm doing things!

Friday, November 18, 2016

Look at me! I'm doing things!

So lately, I've been super introspective (if you couldn't tell with the recent tone of this blog ha ha), and I've just been pondering a lot of things like why I am the way I am basically. I'm going to do a whole post eventually on things I've learned about myself since moving to Indiana, but that's a whole thing, and I'm not feeling like getting too into it today.

Anyway, I mentioned in my other post that a lot of times I want to do something, but I get all paralyzed by fear and I want someone to do it with me or teach me how, and I just get too afraid to go it alone. This might make sense for things like say, restoring your kitchen table or reupholstering an old couch - but I seriously feel this way about the smallest things! Things like, inviting friends to do things. This is going to sound so so so pathetic, but I literally start sweating when I reach out to people to do things ha ha. I just have this fear that no one is going to want to hang out with me, or that they will only hang out with me out of obligation. I know, this sounds so middle school (it really goes back to elementary school for me), and I can't believe I'm even putting this out there on the internet, but I'm trying to stick to my goal. Be vulnerable!

The thing that is paralyzing about it is that I have this fear that  no one wants to do things with me, so I don't ask them, BUT I also don't want to go to new places by myself. Today it was 70 degrees outside, and absolutely gorgeous. I couldn't let the day pass by without taking Nathan to the park! I decided to pull myself together, because I can be BRAVE, and I can do things by myself because I am a STRONG WOMAN. How's that for positive affirmations?? ha ha. I emailed the cute girls in my ward super last minute, and they couldn't go. So I thought to myself, should I still even go? Maybe we can do something else instead... but then I thought you know what? No. I wanted to go to the  park, so I am still going to go to the park!

So we went, and Nathan tried to pick up a parking curb and cried when he couldn't get it off the ground. He didn't understand when I tried to explain to him that it was cement. But besides that, we had a great time!

That's Nathan's "I'm having a great time!!" face, can't you tell??

p.s. if you have ever felt the same way as me, let me know! We can support each other through the cold sweats after an invitation text. ;)

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