CaseyLand: On the Brink

Tuesday, September 8, 2015

On the Brink


I'm sitting here on my couch, on the brink of motherhood, and I can't help but ponder on what life is going to be like in a few weeks. (I say a few weeks, because my due date is on Friday, but let's not get our hopes up, right?)

This pregnancy has been a whirlwind to say the least. This has less to do with the pregnancy itself, and more to do with every other life circumstance. I started pregnancy while working full time and then some. Alex was finishing his undergrad, I was teaching, and we had a very normal existence in a small college town. We were good at life over there. We had a system, you know?

Then, of course, we disrupted our own life by daring to dream a little bigger. (If you haven't read about that yet, you can over here.) How are we supposed to progress in this life if we don't change it up now and then? Only, we decided to change it up in pretty much every way possible.

So, wham! We chose to move across the country a month before our baby was due, and start a whole new life in a place where we know absolutely nobody and I can't tell what direction anything is because there are no mountains. I've gone from working full time five days a week to being a stay-at-home-something this past month and that is super weird. Although my house is always pretty clean, which is cool, and I've been making dinner every night for the past few weeks. (I'm aware that both those things will most likely change when the baby gets here. Alex, don't get your hopes up!!)

I'm nervous. It's hard being here all day by myself, so often I wish the baby would just show up so I can have something to fill the hours with besides too much Gilmore Girls. People tell me I'll regret saying that. In fact, a lot of people act like my life is just going to get worse when this baby shows up. And you know what? That's the dumbest. I'm not stupid. I know that having a baby around is going to be difficult, frustrating, challenging, etc. But that's not ALL it's going to be. If it was I feel like there would be a lot less children running around. So instead of telling an already nervous first time mom that she's going to be hating life as soon as the baby arrives, why not tell her all the good stuff that will happen that makes it all worth it? Is that asking too much?

I'm nervous, but I'm also excited. This little baby boy is going to bring so much joy into our tiny house! I can't wait to see what he looks like and learn his personality. I'm looking forward to his first real smile, and figuring out what makes him laugh. I'm bursting to see his relationship with Alex, and how sweet that father/son thing is. We're going to have a whole new life with another person to care about, and it's going to be amazing and crazy and I'm ready!

I'm also ready to wear normal clothes again.

So bring it on, baby!
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8 comments:

  1. Oh Mad, this made me tear up a bit! Shame on those people for saying life will be terrible after the baby comes! It's hard, sure. So, so hard at times. But it is also JOYFUL and INCREDIBLE and INDESCRIBABLE. Having a brand new soul in your home can make you feel so close to Heaven. You're going to LOVE snuggling that tiny kid.

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    1. I'm so excited!!! You're such a good example to me of loving motherhood. It's going to be a great adventure!

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  2. Madeline, you are such a dear girl. You will be the best mother ever because you are so prepared. We are so excited to be great-grandparents! We pray for you, Alex and the baby every day so you know everything will be perfect. Be sure to let me know when you go into labor so I can be even more excited. By the way, how many times have you watched Gilmore Girls? You must have it memorized by now. What's one of your favorite lines from that show? Mine is when Loralie says to Rory after they talked to a crabby lady, "That's what happens when you go to bed with your make-up on."

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    1. Thank you for your prayers! They do not go unnoticed :) This is technically my second time watching Gilmore Girls all the way through. I watched it when it was on TV growing up, but I didn't watch religiously, only when it was on and I had nothing else to do. There are so many good lines, I don't know if I could pick just one! Probably anything Kirk says ha ha.

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  3. Ah! I was just wondering if you had your little one yet!! I am sooooooo excited for you and you are going to be a great mom! I hope you are enjoying your new place.

    Oh, and I am so glad to hear you are watching G squared. Go Jess! He was by far Rory's best boyfriend.

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    1. I will let you know personally when he arrives :) I'm glad you're a fellow Jess fan! He was a terrible boyfriend, but I love them together anyway. I have always pictured when Rory comes back from her political tour that they get back together...

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  4. Only good things happen with babies! It's like a mini you and a mini the love of your life and honestly, nothing could be better! You're going to love it! I'm so so excited for you!

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    1. Thank you!! I'm so excited too! I hope my baby is as cute as Paige! :)

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