CaseyLand: Our Story: Part 13 (a snapshot of four months. you can thank me later.)

Monday, February 11, 2013

Our Story: Part 13 (a snapshot of four months. you can thank me later.)

About a week after our carriage ride one-month anniversary date, I had to move back up to school. It was depressing, because I was there a few days before everyone else for Back to School Night and such fun. But what do you know? Of course, Alex came up and visited me. I was surprised and a little out of my element yet again, to have him come barging into my life. (My boyfriend! The nerve of him!) But, I finally relaxed, and we had a good night talking.

That weekend, we headed to a reservoir and finally had that fun group camping trip that I had been dreaming of ever since June! Alex had gotten there early to reserve the camp site, so I had hitched a ride with Cody after driving home from Logan. We got lost and ended up not arriving at the camp site until really late at night, but it was fun to be there anyway. We spent the night chatting with friends and wondering where our other friends were who hadn't shown up... Turns out they also got lost and spent the night in the car. Oh well! We went to sleep that night, and Alex and I held hands and whispered to each other in the tent. I asked him if he remembered talking until four in the morning when we were younger. He said he did. (We're too old for that now, apparently. Hello 10:30 bed time!) The next day we woke up early, ate breakfast, and went canoeing in the lake. It was really fun, even though I have very negative feelings toward swimming. I enjoyed canoeing with Alex and just being able to have some down time with him. Going back to real life was not the most fun thing!

But, go back to life we did. Thankfully, because of my random student teaching mix up, and the fact of there only being one place to live left in Logan, Alex and I were neighbors! At first it was a little different learning how to fit into each others daily lives, but we ended up being pretty good at it. Before we knew it, we were together every day, as soon as school ended. We watched Downton Abbey and Community together. We made dinner together. We went rock climbing together. We went geo caching together. Every weekend was spent outside. The little playground outside our town homes was frequently visited by us. We star gazed, we made wishes, we edited podcasts... We even read books together!  Our lives combined neatly and sweetly. I remember thinking, "this is so easy."

For the past few years, all I remember wanting from a relationship was that it would come effortlessly like this. Like us talking for hours and hours. Like us just doing things for each other because we wanted to, not because we felt obligated. We just wanted to be together, so we were. It wasn't hard. I saw other couples who had that, and I wondered how they found it. It seemed impossible to me. And then all of a sudden it was there, in my hands. That's when I really knew, I could picture my life with him.

The thing was... he wasn't saying anything like that to me. I kept my feelings and thoughts to myself, and he did too. Normally this would have alarmed me. As the months went on and on... and he still hadn't said those three little words. People kept asking me, "Did he say it?" and I had to keep saying no. August, September, October, November... a whole lot of nothing. But I was not worried. Actions speak far louder than words, and I was sure that if Alex wasn't in this for the long haul, he would have gotten rid of me much sooner. I felt content and comfortable.

That doesn't mean I didn't want him to say it... oh boy. I would lay there cuddling with him and think with all my might, "Say you love me! Say you love me!" And nothing would happen. I wanted to tell him how I felt really badly, and I knew that the modern girl would just up and tell him how she felt... but, being a bit traditional, and by that I mean really shy, I didn't say it. I was convinced he needed to say it first. And so I waited...

p.s. I think I WILL finish by Valentine's day!

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