CaseyLand: Our Story: Part 8 (we're at least past the halfway point...)

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Our Story: Part 8 (we're at least past the halfway point...)

 The real reason I invited Alex to the New Years Eve party was that I had already invited Cody. I knew they would be together, and I didn't want Alex to think he couldn't come, and I didn't want Cody not to come because of Alex. Also, I was kind of interested to see what Alex would be like after the mission. His text had intrigued me. There was no reason for him to apologize, because in my mind, it was over. It happened years ago, and I had no feelings toward the situation any longer. The interesting thing was, I had gotten over the situation, but never completely gotten over him. At least, I hadn't gotten over the relationship that we had with each other. Alex and I could talk for hours and hours, we were so comfortable around each other. That feeling was something I had never had with any other boy, and I often found myself craving it when I thought of what I wanted in a future relationship. But when I thought of Returned Missionary Alex, I only thought of potential future friend, if we could get over the awkwardness of our past.

And boy was it awkward.

Cody, Alex, and a couple other friends waltzed into my party, and I found myself in the puzzling situation of how to entertain a boy who had broken my heart, who I hadn't seen in two years. So I decided to play it cool, of course. I acted like there was nothing to be bothered by, and sat myself right down next to him and struck up a conversation! The problem was... Alex was not quite as ready as I was to engage in conversation. It was like pulling teeth, to say the least. So, eventually I gave up on that, and wrote Alex off as a friend who I would maybe talk to now and then.

We all went back to school the next week. It was the mildest winter I had ever seen in Logan (something I'm really missing right now...). I got back into my life, dealing with new roommates, difficult classes, and a relationship with a boy I was casually dating at the time. Life was kind of lonely, and I found myself either doing homework all night, or finding someone to hang out with. Eventually the boy I was dating sat me down and asked if it was ok that he was dating other girls, and kissing them too. I replied that no it was not, and if he wanted to kiss me, he better not be kissing any other girls. So, that was the end of that. (He seemed surprised. It was one of my proudest moments.)

Right after the kissing other girls incident, I received a phone call from Mr. Alex Casey himself, asking if I was going home that weekend, and if so, could he get a ride? Because he was going to an 80's dance with some mission friends, and uhh... So I said of course he could. And that weekend we loaded up my little Toyota camry and headed out on the open road. We made general conversation, and I found that I enjoyed myself with him a little more, since this time he was actually talking to me. But eventually he decided to bluntly ask me if I was still mad at him, and if I thought we could ever be friends. I was actually really surprised by his questions, and I tried my best to convince him that I wasn't mad at him, and everything that had happened, happened TWO YEARS ago for heaven's sake. And I though we were friends? He didn't seem convinced.

The rest of the semester, Alex and I stayed in sporadic contact. He often asked me to do things with him, and I often blew him off for homework, or hanging out with other friends, or just because I didn't feel like it. There was a night where I invited him to karaoke at Pizza Pie Cafe with my friends, and that was a little fun. And one day when he decided to bring me a taco from Cafe Rio, just because he knew I had tons of homework and no time to eat, which was thoughtful.

The truth was that I was stressed out. School was hard. Friends were making me crazy. Ex-boyfriends were coming back into my life and begging for another chance. There were a lot of times when I forgot about Alex. But then, every now and then his name would pop into my head, and I would text him, just to see how he was doing. One day, I was on my computer on facebook, and I started seeing some statuses that made me anxious about a boy I had known. His name was Clayton Jenkins, and he was one of Alex's best friends, and had been his roommate freshman year. So, I texted Alex to see what had happened, and he told me that Clayton had passed away. I was shocked, and I felt terrible for Alex. I also remember feeling stupid, because I also felt terrible even though I hadn't known him near as well, and sat there on my bed crying for a couple minutes.

Of course, I reached out to Alex, wishing I could do anything to help. He seemed to appreciate my efforts, and we went to dinner and talked. We talked about a lot of things. Walking out of the restaurant, I thought, oh yeah... so this is what that felt like. There was that level of comfort there again. It wasn't completely put back together, but there was something about talking to each other that mended the boundaries between us. That weekend we went on a hike. It was the day of Clayton's funeral, and Alex called and asked if I wanted to go. So, I grabbed the best hiking shoes I had at the time (toms) and climbed back into that white jeep of his. The hike was fun, we talked, I fell down, he walked into a waterfall, and I thought to myself, "you know, I could really see myself liking him again..."

surprise surprise! I actually took a picture on that day! Our first picture together, ever.
p.s. i am going to do my best to get this done in 10 parts. but don't hold me to that.

No comments:

Post a Comment